When I was a child, I enjoyed storytelling and sharing my imaginative world with anyone that would listen – basically, my mom. It was something my mom encouraged me to do and an outlet I started using overtime to express myself. I find that sometimes writing is easier than having a conversation and processing my feelings with others. I have always found writing a safe place. Unfortunately, sharing my feelings with my peers has always been daunting to me.

Recently, I have jumped headfirst into reading old notebooks. There is a lot of poetry, self-reflective pieces, and even some short stories thrown into the mix.  It has been quite a long while since I have authored a short story. It has inspired me to pick up a pen or find time to sit at my computer and be creative again. Nowadays, I type an idea or poem diligently into my phone and move onto the next task ahead of me.


Reading some of my old writings is embarrassing. I am happy to revisit the past and get to know a younger version of myself, however some of the content I wrote about is embarrassing. It is uncomfortable to read the thoughts of a young girl trying to navigate love and trying to find her voice.


In reading the material, I have flashbacks to memories I thought I had drowned out. Some of the writings spark fuzzy memories and others I wish I had not written down at all. But in true fashion, I decided to process and keep a permanent record of the hot mess I was. One thing I will say about my former self is that I was resilient in my search for love.


In the nineties, there was an extremely popular song by Oasis, Wonderwall. The song was all the rage and continues to be the anthem of many. The song always sparks fond memories. Wonderwall would come on the radio, and everyone would kind of fade into the background getting lost in the lead singer’s voice. The melody is enchanting and is a nostalgic song that encapsulates a generation of kids filled with angst.


The song also always reminds me of Holden Caulfield, which is a weird association, but I will dive into that later. In the meantime, you can enjoy this little treasure I found tucked away in my notebook.


Photo Credit: All pictures are Mari Rey originals.