Oh Yes. Yes, She Did . . .
I have recently unearthed information related to Charles (my dog). Information that has had my blood on a low simmer for a few weeks. It is the kind of anger that stays with you, even after addressing the incident. It is not because I cannot let it go, but because of the major violation that has taken place.
Remember when I shared that my boyfriend’s mother had crossed a boundary with me by accusing me of animal abuse? That was quite annoying because my dog has never been abused under my care; and the last time I checked feelings do not establish factual foundation.
Well, she took it a step further. She called the shelter I adopted Charles from and filed a complaint against me for alleged abuse. She called them and told them I was abusing my dog by keeping him outside and that she felt the dog needed to be indoors. Unfortunately, for her, the shelter was already informed of this information due to the fact that I had called them on day two of my foster journey and advised them of his anxiety and mental breakdowns he was experiencing being indoors. The shelter agreed that it was in the best interest of the dog to stay outside until he acclimated to the new environment.
Having a German Shepherd indoors when they are panicking is an unpleasant situation for all parties involved. He was the happiest being outdoors and eventually trusted us enough to come inside. He has since been fully integrated into our family and has less episodes as a result of doing it on his timeline.
I cannot believe I even have to address this (again) but keeping your dog outside is not abuse. There are outdoor dogs that survive the elements and do best outside. It is abuse if the animal is tied up and is neglected. Simply keeping your dog outside is not enough to establish abuse.
What did we do?
After a long-winded discussion with my boyfriend about the repercussions we could have faced due to her false accusations, my boyfriend and I decided to confront her about the filed complaint. However, as satisfying as I thought it would be confronting her, it was not. She did not seem phased about the situation and responded rather calmly denying she called the shelter.
Even when confronted with the fact that the complaint was identical to the one she had made to me, AND the fact that she was the only person we shared the location we fostered Charles from, she DENIED it. She said, “That’s so weird,” and swiftly changed the conversation.
What in the hell!!
I was in complete shock that she had the audacity to lie and act so nonchalant. I was further disappointed when my boyfriend softened his position and did not press the issue. NOT.MY.STYLE…at all. We had the opportunity to be firm and draw a line with her and it did not happen. I am not satisfied with the outcome thus far.
We continued the conversation with another family member to get another perspective. This is my boyfriend’s way of trying to give his mother the benefit of the doubt. To my surprise, this individual agreed that this was something that she would do and shared that she had even called this individual and their partner to discuss her feelings about our decision to keep Charles outside. She was caught in another lie!
Through therapy I have learned to establish boundaries and speak out against the injustices committed against myself. It is something that I have worked hard on in order to be a healthy person and to stop engaging with toxic people. It is important to cut ties with crazy and get off the ride, but what do I do?
I am conflicted because my boyfriend has issues standing up for himself and speaking out when people step on his toes. It is something that drives me nuts. Bowing down to people who disregard anyone’s feelings is not healthy for anybody. It only enables the toxic individual to continue acting like an asshole and nothing ever gets resolved. You end up in a constant tug of war between what you know you should do and the actions you are taking. It is not healthy nor is it a constant state of mind one should be in.
The last thing I want to do is cause further issues in my relationship over a meddling mother, but I do not want her to continue engaging in such behavior and thinking that it is okay. This is not about hurting anyone’s feelings. This is about holding people accountable for their wrongdoing. There could have been ramifications, not only for me, but her son and Charles. The lack of disregard to fulfill her need for control is unacceptable. She has showed time and time again that she is not a stable person and that leaves me with a bad taste in my mouth.
Her actions have raised conflict in my relationship, and it is not okay. I know what the right thing to do is, but the issue is convincing my boyfriend that he deserves to live a happy life free of his mother’s guilt.