Thirty Minute Dates?
A girlfriend once told
me that she dates men in thirty minute intervals. I frowned at this
information as she continued on stating that thirty minutes is long enough to
see if there is a real connection or move on. I looked at her confused and
continued listening to her logic.
I thought to myself,
"Is this an actual rule to dating these days?"
I'll be the first to admit that online dating can be quite awkward and
intimidating. You never know what you're going to get. Some
people are better in text then they are in person, which is unfortunate. Others
just fall short of a good time, also unfortunate.
Thirty minutes could
very well be enough time to read the vibe and determine if you can potentially
date the person sitting in front of you that is full of hesitation and nerves,
spouting out random facts about themselves.
First dates typically
feel like the first day school to me. State your name and something
interesting about yourself. I always stuttered and sounded
confused. I don't particularly like to speak about myself in that
way. "I was in honors choirs?" I would state looking around the
room embarrassed.
I continue listening to
her and interrupt with a question. "What if he's really nervous and
you're potentially closing the door on a great adventure?"
She responds, "Then
he should be more himself..."
Is that an option?
When you're going on a date with a complete stranger, it can be
scary. I have been brave enough to set up a second date after the first
one sucked. I once gave a guy a second chance after he spilled a drink on my lap and was talking as though he had inhaled two 5-hour energy drinks. The experience was painful, and messy, but I figured why not give this guy a second chance to calm down and see what he's about. I decided not to go on a third date with him because our interests were limited to drinks. Although it didn't work out between the both of us, I am thankful for that experience because I was able to make a decision based on whether or not we really had a connection based on two interactions versus his spastic first impression.
I believe in my heart of hearts that sometimes people need a second chance. A moment to adjust, reset, and become comfortable around a new person. Remember, they might have the same reservations as you do, but are having trouble jumping over the hurdles we so often sabotage ourselves with.
I believe in my heart of hearts that sometimes people need a second chance. A moment to adjust, reset, and become comfortable around a new person. Remember, they might have the same reservations as you do, but are having trouble jumping over the hurdles we so often sabotage ourselves with.
Our personal narrative
of our self-image typically looms in the back of our minds, whispering self-doubt
as we wait for our interviewee (date) to arrive. Self-doubt is a real
thing that plagues us all, so why not be open to a second date? If it
turns out to be a complete failure, at least you have that experience and a
better sense of that individual.
I have had the pleasure (I
use that word loosely) of being on some of the most awkward dates where I am basically
on a date with myself because the poor guy is too nervous or doesn't know what
to do - millennial souls. There have been times where the second
date is so much better, which leads to a third and sometimes maybe a
fourth. Other times, I am honest at the end of the second date and tell
them that there will not be another date in the future. It's better to
get it out of the way instead of receiving a text for a third date.
Awkward.
My friend continued
rambling on listing more bullet points as to why thirty minute dates make
sense. She ends the conversation stating that men are dumb and she will
most likely end up single for the rest of her life. I try offering words
of comfort and advice. I offer this bit, "Maybe instead of having
all of these requirements and rules, you should get lost in the moment and not
wait for the buzzer to sound." She frowns. I continue,
"When I disconnect from the chaos in my mind, I find that I have the most
fun. That's all I'm saying. Mr. Right is out
there."
And he is ladies.
He may not be riding up in a limo and climbing up the fire escape like Richard
Gere in Pretty Woman, but he might roll up in a Lyft anxious to meet you.
xo,